FAQ 'n' Roll
Jef and I frequently receive emails from people wondering whether Handstand Command can book them a show while they're on tour, put out their record, or otherwise help them in the ways that managers, booking agents, and record labels do. Sometimes we can. But not all the time. So I wrote this little Handstand Command primer this morning so we had something we could reply to these folks with promptly. Rereading it, I figured Media Dieticians might find it interesting, as well. So here you go.

HANDSTAND COMMAND SAYS: HELLO!

Thank you very much for writing to Handstand Command! You've either contacted us about participating in a compilation CD project, sharing a show, or needing some help while your band is on tour in the Boston area. We've written this handy-dandy email FAQ to let you know more about what Handstand Command does -- and how -- and, even if we're unable to help you right now, where else you might turn for assistance in our area. Let us know if you have further questions, OK? We're still new at this.

WHAT IS THE HANDSTAND COMMAND?

Handstand Command is a Somerville, Massachusetts-based music collective that comprises a handful of pop, punk, rock, and other bands, with some of those musical groups sharing band members. We're like Elephant Six, only not as famous. Currently, the Handstand Command collective includes the Anchormen, the Operators, the Tardy, Scrapple, Sinkcharmer, and Asian Babe Alert.

We collectively organize and promote shows, often involving bands outside of the collective, cooperatively run a small record label called Unstoppable Records, and otherwise help expand and improve the Somerville and Boston-area rock scene. For more information about how Handstand Command came to be, check out http://handstandcommand.tripod.com/about.html

WHOA. YOU LOST ME. WHAT WERE THE NAMES OF THOSE BANDS AGAIN?

The Anchormen

The Operators

The Tardy

Scrapple

Sinkcharmer

Asian Babe Alert (for more information, contact Tom of the Anchormen)

YOU SAID YOU RUN A LABEL? YOU MAKE RECORDS?

Do we ever! To date, Unstoppable Records has released many fine musical recordings of high quality and widespread enjoyment. Currently, our back catalog offers CD's, CD EP's, and 7-inches recorded by the Anchormen, the Operators, Scrapple, and Jef Czekaj (of the Anchormen and the Tardy). We are all hard at work to produce further examples of our studio wizardry. Of course, our records are merely pale shadows of the awe-inspiring rock we unleash during our live performances, but if you'd like to learn more about Unstoppable's wares, visit http://handstandcommand.tripod.com/recordings.html

WILL YOU PUT OUT _MY_ RECORD?

To be totally honest, no. We'd like to focus on our own releases right now, and we think everyone in a band should learn how to put out at least one record by themselves. It's not that difficult, and it even borders on fun. Regardless, if you'd like to send us examples of your music, we'd certainly enjoy listening to them, will review them on the Web, will consider you for future live shows, and will share them with other friends who might be interested in your music.

And, not to mislead you, but Heath (of the Anchormen) occasionally toys with the idea of a compilation CD or CD series project, much like a cat toys with a mouse. Nothing has happened yet, and other members of the collective doubt that he'll ever get his act together, but we thought it might be worth mentioning. Don't get your hopes up, though.

WAIT. LIVE SHOWS? WHEN DO YOU PLAY NEXT?

All of Handstand Command's upcoming shows are listed at http://handstandcommand.tripod.com/calendar.html in an eminently useful, standard calendar format. We also manage an announcement mailing list called the Handstand Commandments that is more often than not quite funny, even if you can't make it to our shows. You can sign up for the Commandments mailing list at http://handstandcommand.tripod.com/signup.html

OK. ENOUGH ABOUT YOU. LET'S TALK ABOUT ME. CAN YOU HELP ME BOOK A SHOW?

We'd really like to, but we're not often able to meet other bands' needs when they're touring. Requests like, "We'll be in town June 1. Can you get us a show?" are challenging for us, but if you're just generally interested in playing with us -- or at one of our events -- in the future, we'd love to learn more about you. You see, we like music. A lot. And we especially like independent local music. Well, good independent local music, but you know what we mean.

We also organize a couple of annual events of some scale that we might be able to involve you and yours in in one way or another. We organize occasional series at the Abbey Lounge in Somerville, and we're often looking for new, interesting bands to add to bills that include Handstand Command members. Members of the collective have also organized events like the ArtBeat Sideshow and Bazaar Bizarre, the punk rock crafts fair.

But we probably can't help with time-critical tour needs. Sorry. If we're already working on something that fits your calendar and we really like you, maybe something will click, but in general, chances are slim.

CAN YOU LISTEN TO THE MP3'S ON OUR WEB SITE TO SEE IF YOU REALLY LIKE US?

MP3's and the InterWeb are both amazing things, but we're still rather partial to things like cassettes, records, and CD's, even if they're CD-R's. We're not always near a computer, and even if we are, not all of us have fast Net connections -- so MP3's can be a bit of a bother. If you'd _really_ like Handstand Command to give you a listen, you should send us a tape, record, or CD, regardless of its quality and packaging.

They'll be copied and distributed among the collective members, we'll pass them on to other friends who book shows if we think they can help you more than us, and we'll review them on the Web. So it's really worth your while to send us something.

FINE. WHERE SHOULD I SEND STUFF?

You can send material to one of two places.

Heath Row
P.O. Box 390205
Cambridge, MA
02139 USA

Sending it here will guarantee a review on the Web. Heath (of the Anchormen) runs an independent media news and review blog called Media Diet.

Unstoppable Records
P.O. Box 440422
Somerville, MA
02144 USA

This is the collective's general mailing address and is monitored by one Jef Czekaj (of the Anchormen and the Tardy). He also does a zine. Ask him about it.

DO YOU KNOW ANYONE ELSE WHO MIGHT BE ABLE TO HELP US GET A SHOW?

We're not promising anything, but Handstand Command has closely aligned with several other bands in the area -- and we can recommend and vouch for a couple of specific clubs that we're particularly fond of. You might consider contacting them to see if they can help you. Tell 'em the Command sent ya.

First, the bands we rub elbows with:

Spoilsport

Fightin Dogs

Choo Choo la Rouge

The Also-Rans

Now, the clubs we love:

The Abbey Lounge, Somerville

O'Brien's, Allston

The Midway Cafe, Jamaica Plain

TT the Bear's, Cambridge

The Middle East, Cambridge

Other places you should explore:

Book Your Own Fuckin' Life
Chances are good you tracked us down through this. If not, it's an awesome global punk rock resource listing bands, labels, zines, promoters, and venues. DIY, baby!

Just Another Scene
Currently on hiatus, this is still a good guide to New England scene stuff. The club listings offer info about what kinds of shows they put on, who books bands, and what the space is like.

Tony and Pals
An awesome resource including show listings, reviews, scene gossip, local record reviews, and other local stuff. One of the best local Web sites.

Boston Punk
Mostly show listings and classified ads, this site still has its finger on the local show pulse -- they may be able to connect you with show organizers.

East Coast Hardcore
The Show Booking section features a discussion board in which promoters post notices of band needs, upcoming shows, and the like. Looks useful, although this site is new to me.

WELL, THANKS A LOT. YOU'VE GIVEN ME A LOT OF FOOD FOR THOUGHT.

Happy to help! We hope you send us stuff because we'd really like to consider you for future events. And we wish you the best of luck! Regardless of whether we're able to get you a show, we hope you'll let us know what happens -- we like going to shows, too. Let us know when you're playing here. Maybe the Handstand Command will show up at one of yours!

Love,
Handstand Command
http://www.handstandcommand.com

OH! I HAVE ONE MORE QUESTION. THIS THIRD-PERSON, COLLECTIVE VOICE THROWS ME OFF A LITTLE. WAS THIS EMAIL WRITTEN BY ROBOTS?

No. We have nothing against robots, but in the current economy, we cannot afford to enlist their services because of the pay range they demand. Heath (of the Anchormen) volunteered to write this email, and because we all have better things to do with our time, we figured we'd let the chump make himself useful for once. Nevertheless, Heath, don't think that this gets you off the hook. You're still in the dog house. We'll never forgive you for that one band you booked at the Upstairs Lounge, and we really wish you'd get off your butt and write some new songs. And none of that Screeching Weasel stuff either. Wait... is this thing still on? Did everyone hear that? Oops.

Please remember that this will be sent out as an email. It wasn't really written or formatted to be published on the Web, regardless of its presence here. Move along. There's nothing to see here.