Friday, April 28, 2006

Song for Jodie

I think this might be the end of my self-involved high school poetry. This three-part poem was written March 5-6, 1991, and is clearly about my senior-year girlfriend Jodie. I'm still in touch with Jodie, and she's OK'd my publishing much of this stuff. I'm still debating reprinting some of the mopey lovelorn letters I wrote her -- some of which I never gave her -- but this might suffice. Song for Jodie:

I. Sorrow

Lie on the floor shaking,
darkness all around,
the beat of my heart
only audible sound.
Numbness fills my body
as my mind slowly moves.
Hesitant dumbness
my ignorance proves.
Must I live with blinders
blocking my eyes?
For if I repeat this,
my soul shall capsize.
Emptiness floods
my hollow insides.
Sincere devastation
I struggle to hide.
Must I be passive
and watch life unfold
as I have once lost one
that I yearned to hold?
Crystalline hope
harsh reality breaks
so day to day
once more

II. Anger

To think I thought I knew you
I know now I never did
To almost say I loved you
what a mistake that would've been
How easily you threw away
all that I thought we had
And now you seem not to care
unaffected glad
A bitter taste fills my mouth
where once I tasted you
Winter's wind tangles hair
where once fingers ran through
I miss those things
that you deem small
and wonder who you are
because you are now lost to me
Our silence is my scar

III. Dream

Wake hectic
heart beating time
monitored by shattered
of mirrored half-baked
truth reflected
by your soul

I just reread some of the three-page undelivered letter that accompanies this poem, and it's pretty bitter and mean in the way that dumpees might try to provoke their dumpers into reaction. Will have to mull publishing awhile longer.

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