Humor Me V

Wacko #1, September 1980, Ideal Publishing Corp., NYC, NY (bimonthly, $1.25)

Publisher: Phil Hirsch
Editor: Paul Laikin
Contributing Editor: Murad Gumen
Associate Editor: Aron Mayer
Art Director: Eden Norah
Circulation: Martin Puntus

Cover: Murad Gumen image of Wacko's pudgy mascot trouncing the Crazy nebbish, Alfred E. Neuman, Sylvester Q. Smythe, and Huckleberry. Cover lines: Humor to Drive You Nuts; Special (Garbage) Collector's Issue; Big Giant 80-page Super Special; Contains 100% Original Material; Free 16-page Bonus Cutouts: Nutty Awards, Diplomas, Certificates, and Other Hilarious Hangups

Inside front cover... Wacko Book Titles poster featuring tomes such as "Not Tonight, Darling" by Agatha Heddake, "Lights On" by Freida D. Dark, and "Sleeping Beauty" by Althea N. Midremes

p. 4 Letters to the Editor Advance copies yielded National Lampoon-styled responses from Pope John, Richard Nixon, Tonto, Oral Roberts, and Dolly Parton

p. 5 Mork and Mindy Meet Laverne and Shirley for Happy Days at Archie's Place w/Paul Laikin, d/Kent Gamble... Mort Drucker-like art confuses this Mad-styled (even to the speech balloons) parody of too many TV shows. Laverne's screwdriver joke is priceless

p. 9 America the Beautiful d/Aron Laikin... Do the Statue of Liberty's arm pits stink? You bet

p. 10 Novelty Gas Pumps of the Future w/Mike Pellowski, d/Al Scaduto... The pinball game, slot machine, and strength test concepts are clever, but otherwise? Getting gas is challenging -- and costly -- enough

p. 12 Occupational Diseases: Different Sicknesses for Different Jobs w/Mike Pellowski, d/Charles Nicholas... Doctors, postal workers, golfers, plumbers, bus drivers, and actresses; we all get sick. That's funny!

p. 14 Favorite Lists of Different Countries w/Ernest Werner... Popcult best-of lists parody Switzerland, France, Australia, Saudi Arabia, and Israel. Mostly plays on words

p. 15 Washington Teen: The Fan Magazine of Politics w/Paul Laikin, d/Tony Tallarico... Before there was George and Teen People, there was this parody, 20 years prior. George McGovern, Barry Goldwater, Jimmy Carter, and Ted Kennedy all get theirs. Nice Washington Swap Shop column

p. 19 American Gothic, 1980 d/Aron Laikin... A Wacko hangup detourns the first family

p. 20 TV Detective Shows of the Future Uncredited spoof lampooning food inspectors, dog catchers, meter maids, and private eyes

p. 22 Wisecrack Responses Young People Come Up With w/Andy Lamberti, d/Bill Burke... Porn magazines, being late for dinner, report cards, designer jeas, lawn mowing, messy rooms, and punishment

p. 24 Attention Losers: You Know Your Luck Has Run Out When... w/Joe Kiernan, d/Murad Gumen... Best line: "You're lucky he didn't aim a little higher!"

p. 26 Bedtime Stories for Dogs and Cats w/Phil Hirsch, d/Arnoldo Franchioni... Fairy tales for Snoopy, Lassie, Puss in Boots, Rin Tin Tin, and Pluto

p. 28 Wacko Man-in-the-Street Interview: How Are You Coping with Inflation w/Paul Laikin, d/Kevin Sacco

p. 31 Damn the Lot! w/Ernest Werner... Political poetry about OPEC sung to the tune of "Camelot"

p. 32 Combined Magazines for Fun and Profit w/Andy Lamberti, d/Bill Burke... Fake covers and cover lines for Family Circle Science Fiction, Car and Driver Psychology Today, Rolling Stone National Geographic, and the Home Handyman's True Confessions

p. 34 How Wise Are Wise Old Proverbs? w/Bob Heit, d/Tony Tallarico... Sayings about horses, sleeping, bulls, umbrellas, books, and birds are spoofed

p. 36 When Women Are Drafted into the Army w/Mike Pellowski, d/Jack Sparling... Didn't Mad do this... better? Nice cat fight scene in the last panel

p. 39 Wacko-isms w/Murad Gumen, d/Walter Brogan... Last name, first name jokes for celebrities such as John Travolta, Alan Alda, and Suzanne Somers

p. 40 Are You Getting the Respect You Deserve?: Take This Test and Find Out w/Mike Pellowski, d/Peter Dulligan... Great art!

p. 42 Pinup of the Month: Miss Piggy d/Murad Gumen... Harvard Lampoon-influenced popcult foldout

p. 44 Nutty Awards, Loony Diplomas, Zany Certificates Pullouts for backseat drivers, class dunces, hunters, military prisoners, bastards, deaf people, Poles, and mafioso

p. 61 The American Dream Anti-Ayatollah advertisement

p. 62 Wacko Look at the News w/Paul Laikin, d/Tony Tallarico... Current events caterwauls a la cancer, the Middle East, hair loss, and germ warfare

p. 64 I Love New York w/Ernest Werner, d/Walter Brogan... Hookers, restaurateurs, and cabbies all chip in

p. 66 Future Fads for Far-Out Freaks w/Joe Kiernan, d/Al Scaduto

p. 68 A Museum Guide to 20th Century Commuters w/Any Lamberti, d/Charles Nicholas... People on the train smell funny, overdress, lay about, play the radio too loud, and talk too much. Wacko whacks 'em

p. 70 Unsolved Mysteries of Human Nature w/Mike Pellowski, d/Vic Martin... Settling into his more cartoony style, Martin depicts beachgoers, male shoppers, children, couples, drivers, smokers, and spendthrifts all to good effect

p. 72 Name That Goon Contest Phil Hirsch... Ad to give an appellation to Wacko's mascot -- best suggestions: Fat Freddy Fard, Tubby, and Draculad

p. 73 Newspaper Headlines We'd Like to Read A dozen story lines about Billy Martin, Henny Youngman, Iran, and Ralph Nader

p. 74 Specialized Beauty Pageants w/Roger Francis, d/George Siefriger... How can we judge blind dates, mother-to-be's, senior citizens, and feminists? This way

p. 76 The Medical Game Marylyn Fontaine... Word game pictures of the mumps, diarrhea, and stretch marks

p. 77 Krummy Vs. Krummy w/Darius Clegg, d/John Reiner... Divorce was funny for five pages. Not really

p. 82 Wacko World Records w/Mike Pellowski, d/Tony Tallarico... Just goes to show how laugh-a-minute alligators, telephones, and the Chinese are

Extras: I Want Oil! recruiting poster

Marginalia: "Old soldiers never die. Young ones do;" "Spare the rod and spoil the drag race;" "Did Carl Sandburg drive a Lincoln?"; "Anarchists of the world -- unite!"; "Ronald Reagan can't act either!"; "Gerald Ford: The human Edsel!"; "UFO's are for real -- the air force doesn't exist!"; "Attention Paul Bunyan: Big Brother is watching;" "Warning: Your local police are armed and dangerous!"; "A sore throat is a pain in the neck!"; "Is beat parks the product of billions of years of evolution?"; "Free the Indianapolis 500!"; "Does the name Quasimodo ring a bell?"; "Norman Rockwell painted by the numbers!"; "Elizabeth Taylor's ex-husbands are fat-free!"; "Keep Grandma off the streets -- legalize bingo!"; "Help stamp out and abolish redundancy!"; "Keep Gomer Pyle off my lawn!"; "Prince Charles' home is his castle!"; "Shakespeare married an Avon lady!"; "Join Gamblers Anonymous -- we'll bet you'll be cured!"; "City schools cause brain damage!"; "Pray for the success of atheism!"; "If ignorance is bliss, how come more people aren't happy?"; "Old fishermen never die... they just smell that way!"; "Acid indigestion? Check your source..."; "The Montessori School taut me to rite at age too;" "The Godfather sleeps with a night light..."; "Help fight poverty -- kill a street beggar today!"; "It's brotherhood week -- take your brother hood to lunch today!"; "Florence Nightingale was a panhandler!"; "Let's get sex out of movies and back into motels where it belongs!"; "It's funny to think that beanbag chairs will one day be antiques..."; "Little Jack Horner's problem is more serious than he thinks;" "Man who speak with forked tongue should not kiss balloon!"; "Children should be seen and not had!"; "The family that sprays together stays together!"; "In every family tree there's bound to be a little sap!"