Speech

This was probably written around the same time as the previous post. The original paragraph breaks have been maintained. "Wagner Bros." is a reference to a grade school friend, Alan Wagner. Other friends from the time are mentioned by name. Alan and I used to draw at school together. I actually drew issues of some of the comic books mentioned.

Hello, I am Heath Row; Editor of "Exciting Comics Company." Have you ever read a "Wagner Bros." comic? Most people haven't. I admit, I have. But I threw it away after I finished the first page. But my company's comic books are great. They are printed on high-class quality "Xerox" paper. They are also colored. They star heroes like "Blooperman," "Laserman," etc. But, who ever heard of "Hose-nose the Kleenex king"? Who ever read a comic book called "The American Aardvarks vs. The German Gerbils"? I haven't. Also, he wants companies like "Marvel," "D.C.," and "Whitman" to go out of business! I think those three companies are the best, next to me, of course. Also, my company features artists such as Eric Hendreksin, Andy Nelson and me. But, his artists are him, him, and him. Also, his company is called "Wagner Bros." I'm surprised he hasn't gotten sued by "Warner Bros." yet. But, my company's name is original.

His comic books cost 60c while mine cost $1.25. I mean, 60c doesn't make his comics sound very good. But $1.25 makes my comics sound great, superb, fantastic! Usually people buy something because it costs more. I mean, if "Brand F" cost $2.00 and "Brand A" cost $10.00. The person'd probably buy "Brand A" because they figure it's better quality. Also, my comics are sold at drug stores while his are sold at laundrymats! Who'd buy a comic at a laundrymat?

He once said, "Give me comic books or give me rocks!" Even though they gave him rocks he was brave. Bah! He already had rocks in his head. But his comics are okay. At least he doesn't publish parodies of my comics. Well, comic book readers of America; this is is why I think you should vote for me as "Comic Book Editor Of the Century." Thank you.

Alan, if you somehow come across this, email me. I'm curious what you're up to!