Corollary: Happy Birthday to Media Dieticians XI
As I may have mentioned in an earlier Media Diet entry, tomorrow is my 30th birthday.

I was born almost exactly 30 years ago. It was 7:58 in the morning. I weighed 7 pounds and eight ounces. I was 20 inches long. In the last 30 years, I've come a long way. At this writing, it is 5:08 p.m. I now weigh about 150 pounds and top off at roughly 5' 8". I may not have grown much or come a long way, baby, but because tomorrow is the 30th anniversary of my birth, I think it's an eerily appropriate time for me to celebrate my 30th birthday. Spooky, even.

But this isn't about me. This -- as is the future -- is about you.

You, then, if you are in the Boston area, are invited to help me recognize and celebrate my many accomplishments, admirable qualities, and endeavors tomorrow night:

8 p.m., Wednesday, Feb. 26

The Cambridgeport Saloon

300 Massachusetts Ave., Cambridge

Between Central Square and MIT

Now, I'm no math major, but if turning 30 means hitting the big 3-0, and if 3-0 does in fact equal 3, then 3 is an interesting number. Let's go on a little mathematic journey. The year of my birth, 1973, plus that 3 yields 1976. That year, you American Media Dieticians may remember, marked a historic, patriotic occasion for the United States. It marked the 200th anniversary of the birth of our fine country.

Now, I'm no statesman, but to honor and recognize the many men and women who have fought, are fighting, or will fight have fought fighting (or whatever) in the name of our grand homeland, I'd like to propose a new system of social engagement alerts to help you participate in tomorrow evening's festivities -- the Boston Beer Party -- should you choose to do so. This is, after all, a democracy. I call the levels of alert

Red

White

Blue

"That's easy!" you might say. "Beautiful in its simplicity!" To that, I would reply, "Whoa, Nellie! Hold the phone! I'm not done yet!" On its face, the system may seem overly facile, but the alert codes have meaning. They, in fact, gauge your exact social engagement and investment in any activity, event, fete, or folderol, work related and otherwise. Please make note:

Red: I didn't eat anything after work, I was one of the first people to arrive tonight, and I'm not quite sure how I'm going to get home. Is this your beer?

White: I can't believe she just threw that dart at that guy's butt. I'm kind of embarrassed to be hanging out with people I met on the InterWeb, but this is kind of fun in a weird way. Hey, she's cuter than she is in Hot or Not!

Blue: Calgon, take me away! Is it really that early still? I'm only here because the guy's blog was mentioned in Boing Boing and Evhead and I hope he links to me, the dope. Maybe if I get in his good graces, he can help me become a member of the blogging 3l33t.

There you go. I encourage you to print this out, laminate it, and put it in a safe place for reference. If you fold it before using a laminating machine, be sure not to fold it so the code level descriptions or the details for the Boston Beer Party are on the inside folds of what you're about to laminate. That'd make it a useless piece of laminated paper. Some people.

Remember: Red, White, and Blue. If you don't celebrate my birthday, the terrorists win.